Tag: revisions

Revisions: Suffocation

Chapter 17 – 

It had been over twenty hours since they departed Brasilia’s waters, and Sofita still hadn’t reacquired sight of Doctor Vai Zhang. She roamed topside unseen, thanks to the invisibility afforded her by the Shell.

On the horizon was the Anzhu Island.

Covered by snowy mounds, it was the site of the first Femarctic camp erected by Bizaki engineers of the Robust Generation, those sent to build Chinasia’s remote power stations. The ice and snow of the northern polar region reminded her why the Reaping Gen of old spent so much time developing solidification-tech.

Sofita thought briefly of the bartender at Yukon Beach.

The woman was right in her suspicion that the Femmar were capable of creating glaciers. It was just a matter of time before the Primary would initiate a complete icing up the northern polar region, and she’d carry it out from their sole solidification-station in the Markov Basin.

Sofita didn’t dwell on the moral implications freezing the world, but her Donmat was another story.

Donmat Fuzo Dox displayed an active dislike of the helovx, but when Sofita proposed the rounding up of all the men back in Yukon, for viral termination—an admittedly extreme solution to the suspected leak there—young Dox had vehemently protested. She reminded Sofita that not all the helovx men at Yukon were sex-workers. Some of them were the partners of those working, and many of them were raising donations.

It had been a Pure-Gen scented argument bogged down with too much regard for the helovx, and too little consideration for the task, at hand. Dox held helovx males in disdain, but she wasn’t about to arbitrarily murder them.

For this, Sofita felt a bubble of pride build in the pit of her gut.

Cleaning Up a Monster

I completed the second novel in the Femitokon series, Holodomor, during NaNoWriMo of 2013.  First drafts are the easy part, and yes, you can conceivable write a novel in 30 DAYS, so long as you know that no first draft is ever ready for prime time.

NaNoWriMo

As you can see from the image above, I wrote the first novel in the Femitokon series, titled Suffocation, during NaNoWriMo 2011—it’s now 2015, and Suffocation is nearing its creative end, undergoing final revisions with a paid editor, before I can schlep it to an agent.

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Femitokon: Editorial Process 2014

Much has changed as outlines are approved, revisions are made based on suggestions–and entire scenes are excised to maintain narrative flow.  It’s a dance I’ve never been happy with–but it’s required.

“Suffocation”
Femarctic Komad (Commander) Sofita Kul and Donmat (Ensign) Fuzo Dox are ordered to retrieve the body of Chinasia’s top bio-geneticist Pym Zhang. When Kul discovers that Zhang’s genetic creations are tied to her Ramaxian homeland, she sets out to destroy them.

Form: Introductory novella
Notes: Mission focused plot; Sofita-centric, Jal Bos introduced.
Series Characters: Laxum Jyr, Pitana Dag, and Eppis Banto.
Antagonists: Vai Zhang (human), Cao-Cy (human), Terry and Tara Whitley (human).

**

“Holodomor”
After the death of their Empress, the Slavic Empire puts her son Grand Duke Mikołaj on the throne, an action that results in the dissolution of their diplomatic treaty with Ramaxia. When Komad Kul and Donmat Dox arrive to retrieve Ambassador Velto Wram and her wife Ilo, they discover that Mikołaj’s advisers, the Brothers Kotko, are unwilling to part with the technology given to them.

Form: Novel
Notes: Flashback intensive; Sofita-centric from other chara POV
Series Characters: Ilo Cux, Velto Wram, Fyla Uym, Bo Kilvx, and Fusada Kul (deceased).
Antagonists: Boris and Yuri Kotko, the Slavic Empire, Lekada Wram.

**

“Memory Kill
As young Dox lies in critical condition on board the Orcinus, Sofita’s ambitions for rule are rekindled when she’s given the private journals of her dead sister Fusada. When sensors indicate a tsunami bound for Zealand, a message from Ramaxia orders Kul to the Tasmanian Sea, to retrieve files detrimental to the Citizenry.

Form: Novel
Notes: Flashback intensive; Mission Focused
Series Characters: Velto Wram, Fyla Uym, Bo Kilvx, Jal Bos and Fusada Kul (deceased); Koba Julo, Lekada Wram, Uli Zag, Deborah Chase (human).
Antagonists: Adam Peirce (human), Lekada Wram, nature.

**

“Tribal Warfare”
A North American Union research community is attacked by roaming nomads, led by the insane hybrid known as ‘Utahraptor Sil’.  In order to locate him, Kul visits Sil’s father, Caro Cristi, a full blooded Femarctic male hiding as a human, imprisoned for his role as a destructive cult leader. Hot on Kul’s trail is human operative Adam Peirce, determined to discover the secret of the Femitokon Shell.

Form: Novel
Notes: Mission focused plot; Femitokon still holds Fusada Kul.
Obiz Banto and Kin Balru introduced.
Series Characters: Velto Wram, Eppis Banto, Laxum Jyr, Pitana Dag, Fyla Uym, Jal Bos.
Antagonists: Caro Cristi, Tara Whitley (human), Adam Peirce (human), Utahraptor Sil (hybrid), Red Eli, Badlands Gang (human), Nephis Uym (unnamed).

**

“Subversive Humanitarianism”
Kul is forced from medical recovery to retrieve Ambassador Laxum Jyr, taken hostage by a gang of Zealand pirates led by Nephis Uym, a young Femarctic male with highly advanced psychokinetic abilities. Kul’s mission is hindered when she discovers Dox has absconded with the Ornith, to save her first love from being terminated for subversive humanitarianism, by the deadly Femarctic operative, Styba Balru.

Form: Novel
Notes: Styba Balru and Tavo Ex are introduced. Fuzo and Styba, history. Nephis Uym and Sofita Kul, history.
Series Characters: Laxum Jyr, Pitana Dag, Velto Wram, Eppis Banto, Fyla Uym, Bo Kilvx, Basuki Clan (humans).
Antagonists: Nephis Uym, Mana Men (human gang), Cao-Cy (human), Ryo Uym, Fusa Kul, Lekada Wram, Gid Ikat.

**

“Silence is Golden”  
Pitana Dag’s longing for an old love complicate her relationship with human ambassador Deborah Chase. Political fallout from Laxum Jyr’s abduction results in the removal of the Prime Chair of the GDP, but when Fyla Uym is suspected of murdering the fallen politician, Sofita’s forced to sacrifice an old friend to ensure their Gen-Heirs remain hidden.

Form: Novel
Notes: Pitana-centric plot; Fyla-centric sub-plot; Dak Perkad, Pik Cux, Crix Utabi, and Riltav G’wo are introduced. As are Hib Perkad, Yir Avi, Kel’r Ateel, and Ixo Gizul.
Series Characters: Velto Wram, Bo Kilvx, Sofita Kul, Deborah Chase (human), Eppis Banto, Laxum Jyr, Yir Gizul, Tavo Ex (Ib Sil), Ozbi Banto.
Antagonists: Riba Wygz, Wox Dag, Rasa Jyr, Ryo Uym, Fusa Kul, Lekada Wram, Tee Banto, Adam Peirce (human), John Perry (human), Jeanette Dubois (human).  

**

“Permanent Stain”  
Laxum Jyr and Eppis Banto struggle with childhood demons while coming to terms with their place in Ramaxia’s future, while Styba Balru and Obiz Banto and the other Eleventh-Gen heirs, find their allegiances tested when the Primary declares war on humanity.

Form: Novel
Notes: Eleventh-Gen plot-centric; war on humanity. Ebival Kul is introduced.
Series Characters: Obiz Banto, Crix Utabi, Styba Balru, Fuzo Dox, Riltav G’wo, Yir Avi, Tavo Ex (Ib Sil), Fezil Banto, Zebi Bol, Kel’r Ateel, Velto Wram, Crizal Dox, Sofita Kul, Laxum Jyr, Eppis Banto, Hib Perkad, Deborah Chase (human).
Antagonists: Pitana Dag, Gid Ikat, Fusa Kul, Ryo Uym, Lekada Wram, Tee Banto, Adam Peirce (human), John Perry (human), Jeanette Dubois (human).

**

“Ascension”
Sophita Kul, Eppis Banto, Fyla Uym, Laxum Jyr, Velto Wram, and Pitana Dag, challenge the Primary and her Committee for control of Ramaxia. On the eve of their coup, Nephis Uym returns, handicapped from his last bout with Sofita, determined to kill Sofita’s gen-heir and destroy her chance to ascend.

Form: Final Novel
Notes: Tenth-Gen centric, mission centric.
Series Characters: All Femarctic characters, including Jal Bos and Orestes Uym.
Antagonists: Fusa Kul, Ryo Uym, Lekada Wram, Tee Banto, Rasa Jyr, Gid Ikat, Nephis Uym, Riltav G’wo.