Category: revising

First Draft Pass Complete

chapeditsExcised several scenes to tighten my plot but I feel like I’ve sacrificed a bit of characterization in the process. Renamed the book because there’s a movie coming out about the Holodomor in the Ukraine and I don’t want the association. The new title is Tactical Pursuits.

Jogging through the second-draft pass and I can’t shake the feeling that the chapters don’t fit. I know that I’m telling two different stories in this novel – Eppis adjusting her life in preparation of ascension, and Ilo dying as motivation for Velto and Sofita to put aside their differences and work toward ascension. The subplot (at this point I should say, microplot) involves the Slavic Empire and that’s grounded in the Velto/Sofita portion of the book. Eppis/Ilo are connected by their brief complicity in the past, a partnership that afforded them the lives they lived up until now; tying them together at the end of the book is problematic because of a character death. Interweaving the narrative of these two distinct storylines works on television, but in prose, it just feels clunky.

I’m going to keep each storyline together via ‘Part I’ and ‘Part II’ separation, then fuse the stories together at the end.

Shell Follow Up

In the first novel (fully edited – needs beta) the Shell began operating on its own, touching Sofita’s mind without permission, taking over for moments at a time, etc. In the second novel, Sofita follows up with an examination at the holistic lab, but Fyla Uym (Shell’s designer) isn’t there. In her place is Riltav Gwo. The young Hizak is a character that will feature heavily in the series, but in this scene, she makes her debut.

Currently editing this first draft…

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Damn, I Thought I Thought of That

I created an intellectual class of citizens called Hizaki (his-sah-kee).

stylepostFitat`femax (loose helovx translation: noble Femmar of Ramaxia) is the name of the fashion-conscious aesthetic of the Hizaki.  An entire industry revolves around styling Hizaki, and it’s staffed by the laboring Bizaki (bis-sah-kee).  Bizzy’s were the first to recognize Hizzah vanity, and from this, created a business around their cosmetic upkeep.

In my second novel, Holodomor, we get a look into the life of an Hizak named Eppis Banto. She starts her day at a Style-Sit where her hair and nails are done before moving on to a Fashion House of choice, to be fitted in the day’s ensemble. At the Style-Sit, Eppis speaks briefly with a Hizak peer that’s getting her eyes lashes curled. My method involved applying a perm-like gel to the lashes, protecting the eyelid with a stick-on shield.

Unfortunately, I didn’t think of it first. It’s called LVL Lash Lift. Not only didn’t I think of it first, it’s been in practice since 2013.

Shit.

First Stage Edits: Holodomor

My 1st draft edits involve tightening the plot and fixing the dialog. I read my first draft (first time since writing it) and then went through and adjusted my scene cards, cutting any scene that added nothing to the overall story.

scenecards

This part is the worst.

I ended up removing scenes that I adored. I’ve quite a collection of scenes now excised from Suffocation and Holodomor. Some are brilliant character pieces, while others are pure pornographic trash. I think when I release the series on Patreon, I will tighten these scenes up and offer them as freebies to my patrons.