Final Revisions: Suffocation

Cleaning up the manuscript for Suffocation–based on editorial reader’s suggestions. This thing’s been read so many times by me (and my editor), that we decided to get a fresh set of eyes to look it over, and give us her thoughts.

I’m sharing this scene with Sofita and Pitana Dag, because I like Dag.


Continue reading “Final Revisions: Suffocation”

Dialog: Holodomor

Book one is with the editor, so I’m cleaning up the first-draft of book two.

Some dialog from chapter one – a night with Fuzo, before a mission with Kul puts her between the poles.



At the crosswalk Fuzo stopped, “Why’d you do that, Bol?”

“What did I do?” Bol turned.

“You sent her a drink, and when she turned around, you pointed at me,” Fuzo said. “You taunted Balru, knowing my history with her.”

“Your history?” Bol said. “You’re not the only one that hates that mollusk.”

“I don’t hate Balru,” said Fuzo.

Bol stared at her, “She tried to have you disqualified.”

“Balru didn’t file a grievance,” Fuzo said. “It was training command procedure,”

“You’re defending her, just like you did before our Trial,” said Bol.

“I’m not defending her,” Fuzo said. “I know her—I knew her.”

“You’re defending her because she saved you that time on the surface, when you were Toobs,” Bol remained unmoved. “None of us are Toobs anymore, Dox.”

“We saved each other,” said Fuzo, “—and I’m not defending her.”

Bol held her gaze a moment, “Dox, if I hadn’t been taken out by her in the first round, I’d be in her uniform.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Fuzo shook her head. “You’ve got nothing to be bitter about Bol.”

Bol turned, “I could’ve had my own ship in ten years.”

“Instead, you have thousands of screaming fans that love it when you take the ice,” Fuzo said.

Bol sighed, “This might seem like a great life, Dox…”

“Bol, I know it’s not what you wanted,” Fuzo took her by the arm. “I’m shutting up, I’ve no right to tell you what to regret.”

Bo furrowed her brow, “You want to hug it out like a Hizzah?”

“Go ride yourself.” Fuzo laughed, “Last time I try to be considerate.”

Bol followed her across the street.

“Let’s go to Daxakil’s, “I know some bellies there.”

“You know bellies everywhere,” Fuzo said.