Ep4 – First Draft Edits : Notes 1

Pulling apart the novel I began the first episode of this book (episode 4) with scenes featuring all the major players; episode 5 would be Eppis’ journey in Ramaxia, and Ep 6 would be Sofita’s mission. The problem was weaving the plots together and making it work–I ended up going back and pulling apart eps 5 and 6, sewing together a coherent narrative with each scene forwarding the overall story arc.

It’s working so far…

Changing to consider: remove Dox’ perspective entirely and give it to Velto. The main impetus for this is Velto’s Wram key observations in Episode 6. I cannot have Velto in all three of Tactical Pursuits episodes and then suddenly hop into her head for two chapters in the final stretch. Episode Five is a complete clusterfuck, I need to rearrange some scenes, purge and add dialogue, and made sense of it. Eight fucking scene jumps is WAY TOO MUCH. Episode six has plenty of jumps and there’s some shit that needs excising – but it works because the action culminates toward an ending.

Narrative POV for Tactical Pursuits:
(& stuff that needs fixing)

  • Episode Four
    • Boris Kotko (opener)
    • Koba Julo (scene one)
    • Ilo Cux (scene two)
    • Eppis Banto (scene three)
    • Sofita Kul (scene four)
  • Episode Five
    • Eppis Banto (scene one)
    • Dox – then Sofita? (scene two) (make all Velto’ perspective)
    • Eppis Banto (scene three)
    • Ilo Cux (scene four)
      • Kasi and Kotko’s (scene/4-5)
    • Velto Wram (scene six)
    • Eppis Banto (scene seven)
    • Yuri Kotko (scene eight)
  • Episode Six
    • Eppis Banto (scene one)
      • Move Koba’s new perspective below to here
    • Velto Wram (scene two)
    • Sofita Kul (scene three)
    • Eppis Banto (scene four) <–Koba’s perspective?
    • Ilo Cux (scene five) (move up, keep with Velto/Sofita)
      • Velto Wram
    • Uli Zag (scene five
      • Sofita Kul
    • Koba Julo (scene six)
    • Eppis Banto (scene seven)

Timeline Adjustments

For once in my life, meticulous world building has saved me a ton of time.

I started this series circa 2006-07. I created an impact event in the past that destroys most of the human race; in my series, there are about 17k people left on Earth–and they live in this sort of steampunk-ish world where portions of old tech are utilized to get things done in straightforward ways. I Digress. The impact event involved meteor (7341) 1991 vk, one of those asteroids that love getting too close to Earth every time they come around.

Lo and behold, as 2017 draws to a close, meteor (7341) 1991 vk has come and gone. My impact event cannot occur unless I’m writing one of those alt-history origin stories and I’m not interested in doing that. I must alter my timeline by five years (when vk returns to us), and that’s okay because I’m missing exactly five years in a later portion of my timeline. Nothing happens in those five years that’s relevant to anything in my current series. No dialogue mentions, no visits to places that need brief intros in the narrative. You get the idea.

One thing that did happen that worked amazingly to my advantage was the discovery of the volcanic field in Western Antarctica. My fictional “valley of volcanoes” set off by the altered magnetic fields of the moon’s shift, and the subsequent impact event, melt the Western Antarctic Ice Sheet in my series, creating a place called the Antarctica West Islands. It’s where 23rd-century humanity partakes in trade and diplomacy with the femmar.

Crisis averted. The chain of events that set off the world of my current storyline begins in 2022, not 2017, and that required minor edits to the timeline. I will have to go in and make changes to various Bible-Entries, but that’s a weekend project. ((>_<))


The glaciers in East Antarctica are still intact; this is a subglacial map.
The cities are not just beneath the ice, they’re on the oceanic floor.


I asked an enlightened web-associate (a PHD holder) to look over my series bible and share her thoughts. I expected a long list of issues with my genetics (I’m not a geneticist) and my Earth-changes geography (her focus is climatology). She came back with a few minor crits that are passable because science fiction should be about the imaginary even if it’s based in hard science.

I sat relieved until this: it’s a shame your timeline around Vostok is off. I would suggest altering your settings incept date to the next arrival of  meteor VK.


A normal person would say fuck it, and I’m tempted. I wrote this series years ago and the timeline reflects this. I’m a writer though, and the notion that I’m off the ledge in terms of present day science drives me fucking insane.

I’ll end up making massive changes to the timeline throughout the bible. Those changes will create a domino effect requiring me to adjust the dates of every damn thing in the series narrative.


Social Media and the Series

I know social media is an important part of promoting (did the comics thing for a LONG TIME and without Twitter or Facebook). According to Patreon, updating on Twitter and with a Facebook page is important if you’re doing the “fiction” or “comics” thing.

I’ve chosen to keep my social media presence for Femitokon in the world of Femitokon. Facebook is the trouble-making Koba Julo’s interHive channel that’s so popular among the Eleventh Gen that it’s got the current administration nervous. Julo’s no friend of the current Ruling Gen – she’s broadcast media enemy #1.

socialmedia1Her station is Channel RaMx. Loaded with reality-style programming (think Bravo meets MTV), RaMx also carries the Ramaxian Day Rise, a newscast cited more than once for revealing more than what the Fourth Office of the Committee allows. Here is a sample of their most popular shows (from the series-compendium):

Channel RaMx (popular shows listed by ranking)

  • Cit-Bluz Central (Reality – Erotic)
  • Orta Patrol (Reality – Military)
  • Ramaxian Day Rise (News)
  • Ice at the Fairgrounds (Sports News)
  • Sound of the Domes (Reality-Music)
  • Fairgrounds Live (Spectator Reality)
  • In the Mines (Reality – Vocational)
  • Behind the Markee (Celebrity Interviews)
  • Between the Poles (Drama – Military)
  • Subaki World (Drama – Romance)
  • The Mynu Collective (Drama – Comedy)
  • In the Gabishes (Reality – Vocational)
  • Darwin Awards (Reality – Helovx)

All Patreon updates will be announced at Facebook through Channel RaMx, along with posts about fictional shows airing in 23rd Century Ramaxia.


Twitter will also get updates, in the guise of the familiar Ice Flow.  Any citizen can post and interact with messages; even Citizenry Representatives have accounts on the Flow to garnish feedback from their constituents. The Flow is problematic for the Ruling Elite because of its allowance of flow-handles, keeping citizen’s names anonymous. Patreon updates announced by hive Intragux (flow-handle, Intragux) will occur amidst posts about the political, cultural, and social goings-on in Ramaxia.

Lucky for me I have an app that crossposts so I can easily market between episode releases and promotion won’t interfere with my creativity.

Femitokon – the Series, 12/31/2017

Dox Ain’t Having It

“Permission to speak freely, Komad?” Dox said.

Sofita moved closer, “I’ve been waiting for you to do just that.”

Dox had remained silent when Sofita submitted her mission report to Orny’s log recorder. In it she detailed the group encounter she’d engaged in, along with the termination of the leak at Port Yukon. Sofita omitted ordering Dox to hack into a Cloister Admin Cluster, and also left out the subsequent visit from CR Banto.

“Why were we hacking into CR Banto’s system?” asked Dox.

Sofita said, “CR Banto served as a liaison advocate at Nazca Base before her heritage forced her back to Vanda—”


“Banto’s the donation of Committee Member the Fourth, Tee Banto,” Sofita said. “She’s duty bound to serve in the Chamber, a prerequisite to ascension.”

“Ascension?” Dox said.

Sofita said, “Someday, she’ll ascend to the Tenth Gen Committee.”

“I thought when your—”

“—when the Primary’s gen-heir died, the Tenth were nullified?”

“Someone at Nazca contacted CR Banto about something related to this mission?”

“CR Banto excels at preserving peer relationships, these associations endure,” said Sofita, sensing more to Dox’s discomfort. “That’s why we invaded her privacy.”

“If I’d known what I was doing,” said Dox. “I wouldn’t have done it.”

“You were under orders,” Sofita leaned back in her chair.

Dox turned back to her console, “Orders I find objectionable,”

“What is it with you Eleventh’s, and hyper-rectitude?” Sofita said.

Dox gave a start, “What’s a helovx girxhole have to do with my Gen?”

“Rectitude is integrity, honor,” said Sofita, laughing.

“Honor’s important, Komad.” Dox said, without a hint of embarrassment. “It’s what separates us from the helovx.”

“I don’t want to make light of your convictions, but only six chromosomes separate us from the helovx, and their rectums.” Sofita said.

“We can’t breed with them, Komad,” the Donmat did her best to remain respectful, “It’s more than a few chromosomes.”

“You’re right, we female Citizens can’t breed with them.”

“We female Citizens? What is it with you Tenth’s and living in the past?” Dox closed her eyes. “Forgive my disrespect, Komad. My generation has no males, they’re obsolette and aren’t part of the everyday vernacular.”

“Did you say vernacular? That’s a complicated word for a bruiser that doesn’t know an helovx ass from her honor.” Sofita became serious, “Life is moribund with each passing moment. Your manifestation of prevalence is obsolete.”

Dox fixed her eyes to the forward array.

“Yet if you wish to pick nits,” Sofita said, “My Gen does have males, as does the Gen before it, as did the Gen before that. You tend to forget this, Donmat, peculiar really, since this Division specializes in matters connected to those particulars—”

“—I didn’t know this section existed,” Dox said, “I only accepted assignment to the Sorority of Defense so I wouldn’t be snapped back to walking the ice.”

“You didn’t want Division?” Sofita said.

“What I want no longer matters, Komad,” Dox said. “Staying on topic, I wasn’t aware our males bred with helovx women, until assignment to the Femitokon Division.”

“Donmat, look at me,” Sofita said.

Dox turned as ordered, “Yes, Komad?”

“Zhang was sired by Carl Crystal,” Sofita said.

“The cult leader from the California’s?” asked Dox.

“No, Caro Cristi, the male farc from Ramaxia,” Softly said. “He was surgically altered to disguise himself.”

“They’ve had him jail for a long time. How have they not figured out what he is?”

“Nauist convicts get no medical care. They get a room with no view, and they’re fed once a day.” Sofita could see that Dox was more annoyed than intrigued, “When he was free, he had children with helovx women. One of them was Pym Zhang, our devoured geneticist.”

“A hybrid seeking repatriation,” Dox said.

Sofita nodded, “Nauists don’t know they have a farc, and the Committee didn’t want them learning about it from Zhang.”

Dox stared at her, “Komad, I don’t like the word farc. It’s a slur.”

“Yes, it is,” Sofita took great care not to grin at the conservative nature of her Donmat. “I won’t say it again.”

“Thank you, Komad.” Dox wasn’t finished with her yet. “I also don’t like it when you fraternize with helovx males. Orta might be okay with us engaging in sexual intercourse with helovx when they’re suspected of being spies and enemies, but I’m not.”

“I appreciate your candor,” Sofita said.

“I’ve no place telling you how to carry out a mission, Komad, but if you’re going to engage in future helovx-violations, I don’t want to know about it, before or after, the fact.” Dox said, then shook her head in anger, “You’re laughing at me,”

Sofita sat up, “I’m not amused in any way.”

“I can see it in your eyes!”